CAUTION.......WHINING ROAD AHEAD

Well, like it or not I'm about to whine. I need to. I am in a major funk and I seem to be stuck and I don't know how to pull out it. I hate absolutly everything about me, my body and my life. If you look up looser in the dictionary, you will see me. I am 36, a college graduate, and living at home with my parents. I make much less than 27,000 a year and can barely afford to keep my bills paid. I don't understand where I went wrong. I did everything "right" in life. I never did drugs, never cut school, never lied to my parents, was the good child, never broke curfew, I have never been drunk. I've only had 1 ticket in my life. I went to college and paid for it myself. I should be proud right? WRONG! I still live with my parents because I cant afford my own place. Right now is THE BEST time to buy a house and I cant afford it. There is a perfect house for me in this neighborhood for less than $100,000, and I cant afford it. I havent had a date in over 7 years, and I cry myself to sleep every night. I have absolutly zero confidence in myself. I don't know how to fix it and I can't afford therapy which I'm not sure if I really need it or not. The cherry on my poor poor pitiful me sundae is I have gained about 30 lbs and am heavier now than I have ever been. The weird thing is more of me doesnt give a shit than does. There is a small (ironic since NOTHING on me is small) part of me really does want to loose weight and become healthy, I have seen first hand what it does, but most of me just does not give a shit. I have to find the nearest exit off of this whining road, it dead ends and I don't want to hit that again.