Faking it like a pro

I'm not good at very any things. One thing I have become pretty good at lately is faking at how happy I am. How much I love my life, and the frequent dates I have. How much I LOVE my job. ALL LIES. Complete and total LIES. The biggest change is that John dumped me. I wasn't surprised at all. I was surprised that he chose the pussy way out and said nothing to me. He just stopped returning my calls, ignored my texts, and emails. Basically pretended that I didn't exist. MOTHER FUCKING PUSSY!!!!! I FUCKING HATE HIM!!!!! I HOPE HE LIVES FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND LIVES AN EXTREMELY MISERABLE LIFE!!! I FUCKING HATE HIM MORE THAN I HATE KEN!!!!!!!!! It's nice to know that spending 5 years with someone was so important, and he valued me so much that he just cut me off like an infected limb. He can go FUCK all the whores that used him before. Oh wait, he can't because he fucking cant get a hard on. Unless it was because I'm so ugly and fat that I didn't turn him on anymore. I just don't understand why he didn't fucking just dump me when he wanted to in the first place instead of wasting 4 years of my life. Now I am beyond child baring years and will never have kids. I hate my job, but I am good at it. I only make $12 an hour. My bank account has not been a positive balance for at least 3 months. The men on the dating sites I've joined are only after sex. They tell me how beautiful I am, how they are looking for a serious relationship, blah blah blah blah, they fuck me, then take off. My only revenge is I have not told the ones who have fucked me that I have HSV2. One guy, Corey, keeps telling me that he misses me and wants to see me, but then NEVER calls or texts me. The one person who I have been 100% honest with, lives in Montreal Canada. His name is Pierre. We met on the Positive Singles site back in, October I think, maybe September. I am head over heals in love with him. He texts me every day. He's very sweet. However, he is going through some personal crisis and I'm pretty much on the back burner. We were supposed to meet next week, but he canceled. He has not mentioned wanting to meet me again. Only in the vague, oh someday, type of talk which leads me to believe that he really only wants the Skype sex and nothing else Or he actually does have a wife and I'm just the little cyber slut that fell for his smooth talk. I am so tired of being told how beautiful I am, then nobody sticking around. What is wrong with me? Why does everyone leave me? Am I really so horrid that nobody can find any redeeming value or something worth sticking around for? When will someone want to go out of their way and go the extra mile for me?